A different thing happened today.

First thing is first, I was home sick today.



Second, while I was home, I didn't think about Joe. 
I know I said my love was set on him, but is it really?





Read this.

If I was really your first love and first love’s last FOREVER… then why did you let me go?
Were they really telling the truth?
Did you really tell them that you really did like me, maybe even LOVED me?
Then again, ‘loved’ IS in past tense.
Not present.
Not future.
Or, will it happen in the future?
Will there be an ‘us’?
Will we ever be an item again?
Will we ever be friends like we were in the past again?
Will there be anything for us?
Or will everything end…

In 5^th grade, we met for the second time.
It felt more like the first…
Getting to know you again wasn’t all that easy.
And trust me; I didn’t expect anything to happen that did…
Me liking you, you liking me.
Us going out, us breaking up.
Us fighting like we did.
Us being JUST FRIENDS.
Us not talking again.
Us talking after a while.
Us being on the verge of dating again… (what would I do if you did ask me out?
Us not talking yet again.
You almost getting the same phone that I got but ending up not.
You being nice to me on the last day of CCD, getting my phone when I couldn’t reach it under my desk, creating a conversation and smiling at me.
Here’s one thing that continuously happened: The whole while, you were on my mind.
If you asked how many times you were on my mind, I would say one. You never left it.

I miss you like crazy.
I bet I’m not even being thought about as I’m writing this.
What are the odds that I am on your mind right now – one in a million?
Sound’s about right.
I feel strange around you anymore.
When I see you smile to another girl, I remember the days I would receive that smile along with the note you were passing to me throughout most of the classes.
It brings back great memories that will now do nothing but float alone in a never-ending abyss.
It brings tears to my eyes.
It brings pain to my now fragile heart.
It makes me want to jump into your arms and cry on your shoulder when I know the only thing I can jump onto is my bed and the only thing I can cry on is my pillow then I won’t be able to sleep because both sides of my pillow are soaked in salty tears.

When I hear the happy birds chirping their tunes away I think, “I wish I was as happy as them… I remember when I would be happy that we were dating and climb up our backyard tree and sit up there for hours thinking about what I had.”
Now the only thing I can do is climb up the tree and think about what I don’t have any more….
Even though that’s what I know I shouldn’t be thinking of, I should be thinking of what I had.

Where is he when I need him the most?
I need him… I do. 

'He' is Nico. 'They' or 'them' is Tyler and Colin.
The rest is about Nico.

Why this is different is because Nico wasn't really all that nice to me in the past two months so me and Joe unconsciously grew together and I started to think I loved Joe so purely that Nico wasn't even in my heart. Not even just a little.

But then I saw him in school, looking so casual and cute, while Joe looked the same.
But THEN on Sunday in CCD, it was our last class. At the end, everyone jumped up, yelled, and ran out the door. I was texting someone and Mr. Bailey, the teacher, walked by my seat and I shoved my phone up my shirt onto my stomach so I didn't get caught. 
At the end, I jumped up, got startled by my phone falling, and bent down to get it. 
I reached under the deak to grab it but it was too far under to reach, so I tried again. Then Nico bent down and reached for it. 

Like his arms are any longer than mine...

But anyways, he reached for it and I knew it was him because of how his hands look and I looked at him and he looked at me over the chair and I kind of just looked for 2 seconds then said "I can't reach my phone..." and looked away nervously.
He tried again and so did I and I think he legit GRABBED my hand and then I jumped because I wasn't looking at our hands under the desk I was feeling around with my head to the side and when I jumped I hit my head off the bottom of the desk and my pointer finger and my middle finger made the phone move what I thought was farther under but it went sideways to him and he grabbed and started talking to me and telling me about how he was going to get the same phone as me for the 10th time.

It was a strange day....

--Ashley

La-Ti-Da-Ti-Da.(:

Joe likes to break and/or loose pencils.

Yesterday in the morning, he came to me, "Ashley, can I have a pencil?" and smiled. I gave him one, and he broke it *crosses fingers that it was an accident*. Then I gave him another... Lost it. Another... Good question.

I had to leave for saftey patrol&he still needed the pencil I assumed so I left it with him. I watch the 1st run&walkers leave so I saw him.

He was talking to Max. He completely ignored Max, came closer to me, put his two hands on his backpack and looked in my eyes, smiled, and said "I'll give you your pencil tomorrow."
I smiled, was already in a eye lock with him, and said "Kay."
Today he had another pencil and I asked him where mine was. He replied, "It's either in my backpack or at home because I took it out for homework last night.
I'll get it to you tomorrow."
"Kay, that's fine."

He smashed the other pencil (the one he had today) tip on the desk. I told him he had problems with smashing pencil tips off of desks. We laughed, smiled, he said "I do," looked me in the eyes, and we laughed some more.

He also joked yesterday in Social Studies and told me he broke the pencil. He lied... I spazzed.(:

I love that boy no matter how many pencils he breaks and/or looses.

Oh-My-Fudging-God! :D

HOLY BA-JESUS!

Guess. What.!!!!!


Nico. And. Stephanie. Broke. Up...!!!!!!

YEAH, THATS RIGHT! I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM!

But that doesn't really concern me anymore. My love is set on Joseph.<33

I had a well thought out plan. I have no idea if it turned out like I'd planned... I can't tell.

Yesterday, Mollie, Madison,&Sarah told me that they knew that I like Joe, and mostly everyone knows I do. 

INCLUDING HIM?!?!
 
....Yepp. 

But, uh, if he did/does... why doesn't he act different like the other two boys?! (Nico and Mark L.)

Does he like me??? (Let's hope...!)

Does he not want me to know that he knows?

Does he just NOT KNOW?!?!

So, today, I had a 'plan'. 

Here goes nothing...
I was gonna not talk to him all day. If he talked to me, I had to ignore him. Then, at the end of the day when the walkers went out, I had to see what he did.


I didn't talk to him, but he asked me where we were going first in the morning; Math or Social Studies?
Justine (the one who LOVES him (not as much as me!)) said Math and I simply said "What she said..." without looking at him. 
He said Social Studies and then we walked out of the classroom. We went into Social Studies and once he got in there he waited for me to put my books down, and then pointed to me with MY PENCIL that he still had and said "HA! Ashley!! I told you we were going to Social Studies!" and smiled at me. I only looked up before Nick D. distracted him again. 

Then he asked something else a little later in the day... I forget...

At the end of the day on Wednesdays, we have a class called Newspapers. We get the most recent newspaper and an activity sheet to go with it and we have to cut&glue stuff on the piece of paper. :P

I think by that class, he figured out what I was doing: IGNORING HIM.

He kept walking by my group (the people I was working with) and going to Cory. He could've went around, but he went the way we were. My group: Me, Sarah, Brooke, Mollie,&Madison.

The only person he bothered was me when he walked by. He tripped on my foot and looked at me and smiled and said "sorry" twice, kicked me and said "sorry" to me three times, and stepped on my foot and said
"sorry" once. 

At the end of the day yesterday, both me and Kailey were standing at the door because she likes him too. (Not to be mean or anything, but she isn't pretty. He hates her. SO MUCH. He thinks her & Justine are annoying. He thinks I'm perfect how I am... does that mean he likes me?) He was walking down the steps and I saw that he saw me then. He didn't even look at me. I wanted to punch her. Not him, her. It was her fault that he didn't say 'hi' or even look at me.


At the end of the day today, I was standing there alone. (Smart move!)
Today he didn't say anything (sometimes he doesn't he just smiles or something like that) and he looked at me, widened his eyes, raised his eyebrows, and smiled.(:




I do indeed love Joe. I do. <333




--Ashley

Dogs like to eat dandelions.

Yeah, that's right. Dandelions. Jiggs eats dandelions. And everything else on the ground. EVEN DIRT.

This ain't good.

R'member the time I posted that the bad anniversaries were soon to come? Well, here they come. It's this month that starts it.

I don't remember the exact dates, but I think its May 4th that I asked him out and he said yes, then May 7th that he broke up with me.
May 24th that he asked me out and I said yes, then June 3rd that he broke up with me.
Here's the thing with the last one I said: He asked me back out on May 24th, and like I said, I said yes. June 3rd, we had spacing rehearsal for the dance recital on the 6th. Strange enough, a couple of things stuck to my mind.
1. I was sitting in row 6 next to Tessa, Dominique, and Amber. Amber was texting Nico because I didn't have a phone then. He wanted to break up with me. Amber told me and I slumped into my chair and put my ballet shoes. 
2. I had to do my ballet dance practice right after that happened. I was so sad I was saying in my head that I was never going to smile tonight or tomorrow night or the next night. (Spacing rehearsal, Dress rehearsal, Recital.) Amber and Tessa and Dominique were the next dance, so I sat there very sad. We were almost done for the night, and Amber tried to give me her phone because someone called her to talk to me. I asked her who, and when she said
"Nico", I protested. I ended up walking to the back of the whole place because that's the only place that you could be on the phone with silence. He asked me back out. I said "Why?? I thought you didn't wanna go out with me anymore!" and he said "Well, Ashley, here's the thing. I like you still. A lot, and before I was being a drunk a**." I was like ".... Oh. Okay, then yes? But I have to go because my dance is up next." We hung up and I ran. I smiled for the next two nights, and I smiled at the 5th grade talent show because we were dating then. June 9th, he broke up with me.
July 16th, he asked me back out and I said yes, then July 30th, we were done forever.